Sooooo.... You Wanna Know Me?

For me, fear is walking in front of a group of people, just to be worried about how they think you look.

For me, acting rude and obnoxious in class is normal, no matter how weird you think I am.

For me, having bizarre dreams is my escape from the real world.

For me, breaking an awkward silence by yelling “FRENCH FRIES!” is the best.

For me, hiding my true feelings with a stupid or sarcastic remark, and a good laugh, is natural.

For me, making people laugh makes me feel that speck of hope that I am good for something.

For me, hilarity is me doing a rain dance in PE in hope of canceling the mile, and it raining two minutes later.

For me, loyalty is my best friend in jail, and me right next to them sayin “DAMN!”

For me, bonding time is my best friend in jail, and me in the cell next to them saying “THAT WAS AWESOME LET’S DO IT AGAIN!”

For me, friendship is me beating up a random girl...because she told my friend her shoes were ugly.

For me, being myself is my friend getting rejected, and me calling up the guy and whispering “7 days...”

For me, fun is sending random people in class visual death threats during a lecture, just for the laugh.

And at the end of the day, it will all be okay Because I’ll still smile for someone, and I’ll still laugh for something, and I’ll still live on.

Life and Lies

I numbly put on the black dress. Next comes the heels. I don't feel anything. I can't. My mother is dead. My beloved Mama. Dad is currently on his third bottle of Jack Daniels. The man is lost. Through all of these years him and Mama have stayed deeply in love. And her death has destroyed him. He doesn't even have the strength to attend the funeral. Good Lord. How the heck am I going to do this. Going to the funeral all by myself. But then again, Drake might go. But you can never know with my brother. He's not exactly the image of responsible. More like a wild mustang. Doing anything he wants. Never stopping to settle down anywhere. I think he believes he was born to piss off the world. And that in itself could be a fact. Who knows. He already has a juvenile record that is like 6 pages long and is headed for just a regular criminal record.He is 19 years old. Jeez. The years have currently flew by. I can remember it like yesterday. It was a week before Christmas. Mama and I were making cookies for the annual Christmas Dinner with the family. I was 6 and Drake was 9 He was standing next to me trying with all his might to convince me that Santa Clause was fake and that he had been dead for quite some time. (his words not mine) All I could think was " Mama would never lie to me. She loves me too much." But in the end, I found out that Mama did lie to me. And a about a hell of a lot more than Santa clause. But basically my whole life. 

Journal...

Soooo yeah a 'person' ( not telling u who) suggested i should make a journal to 'express myself'. Yeah whatever, so that's what i'm doing right now. Um i really don't know how to do this but whatever.

Okay well right now my dad came to visit from Southwest Asia. He's getting me A new electric guitar. I always wanted one, it's not like i don't have one it's just i have an acoustic.


Jan/7/11

Its another day..... and yesterday was kinda weird and funny. what happen was the freshmen orientation or wutever its called, my dad called out to some random guy. Now i knew it must have been an old friend from when he went to skool here. Turns out the guy my dad was or is friends with was Maija's dad! Maija and I were saying it was kinda creepy. It was funny too. Such a small world........

Also in my weird life, i am quite hyper (wait im always hyper anyways) and excited for the ski trip on Monday. SO yea im going to be snowboarding...

umm yea, well Bye, no, peace, no, i kno

Without me it's just aweso...
c u....